NETSCAPE LAUNCHES NETSCAPE MICROSOFT 1.0

SAN HELIFINO, CA /DenounceNewswire/ -- 2 June 1997 -- In its boldest and most brash marketing move yet, Netscape Communications Corporation (Nasdaq: NSCP) today announced Netscape Microsoft, a new product designed directly for the Microsoft marketplace. The new software directly addresses the needs of millions of Microsoft customers, regardless of what Microsoft product they in fact own, license, or pirate.

"Netscape Microsoft is perfectly suited to both the business user and the home user of Microsoft products," barked Jim Barksdale, official executive chief of Netscape, at today's press conference, adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing, "whether the business user is at work, or the home user is at home, or the business user is at home, or the home user is at work, or the business user is travelling or the home user is using a neighbor's machine, or if either is away from their desk right now, but if you leave your name and number, we'll be sure to get back to you as soon as, um, oh. Wait." Mr. Barksdale then left the podium suddenly.

"After our Harvard MBA's put their heads together," said Marc Noreason, Chief Title of Netscape, "this is what they discovered: the enormous community of Microsoft customers. We're thrilled and excited to be addressing the needs of the Microsoft customer. It's an enormous market that, until today, nobody else, but Microsoft, had even considered!"

Netscape's stock soared to a new high of 3/8, or .375 dollars per share, just minutes after the announcement, sending Netscape's market cap to the previously-thought-not-possible amount of $744,220.18.

In related news, Microsoft Corporation announced today that it had scrapped plans for Microsoft Netscape, its competitor product to Netscape Microsoft, after its own Harvard MBA's discovered that Netscape's customers are, in fact, future Microsoft customers, so why bother, just wait.

About Netscape Communications Corporation
Netscape Communications Corporation, formerly known as Mosaic Communications Corporation until the Board of Regents of the University of Illinois and the National Science Foundation, in support of the National Center for Supercomputing Applications, sued the company for trademark infringement and other issues, settling out of court for the formerly undisclosed sum of $54,233,020.17, is a would-be leader of business and productivity software for Internet and businet intranet net nets. Doomed, its only competitor is Microsoft. Its stock is regularly shorted on the Chicago Commodities Exchange and Options Board, as well as on numerous playgrounds across America.

Copyright © 1997 Birdrock Media Corporation. All Rights Reserved. Redistribution or republishing without express permission from Birdrock Media Corporation prohibited.
DENOUNCE is a trademark of Birdrock Media Corporation.